JewJewBee’s blog

I finally scanned the picture of the ultrasound -- and, of course, doctored it up to replace the boy's real name and erase mine completely...  Yeah...  I'm that paranoid...  Whatevs!  Check it out:

The baby's next to the label that says baby -- it's the gray mass, facing left, inside of the black outline (which is my uterus)...  When you can see the heart beating and stuff, it helps to see the baby and s/he actually looks like a little gummy bear!  Later days...

As in one, single baby that is growing and thriving in my belly!  Clark and Boogie were both with me as I saw the baby for the first time, saw its tiny heart beating, and even heard the heartbeat!  They didn't listen to a heartbeat when I had the first ultrasound for Boogie, so that was an amazing surprise...  The PA said that I am due on February 15th -- I was so close with my estimated due date of February 16th!  She said that everything looked as good as can be, and she even gave the OK to stop taking the Prometrium (the progesterone pill that may be making my nausea even worse than it would have been on its own)...  While it is nice to have hope that my nausea will soon subdue a bit more, my stomach certainly didn't get the message...  I barely made it through dinner before I had to go an lie down (slightly elevated, of course!) on the couch...  I plan on taking it easy tomorrow morning before Boogie's first trip to the dentist, but then I have a night full of activity at the library...  Let's hope the baby behaves itself!  Later days...

Or it is success?!?  Either way you look at it, I'm on Phenergan again...  I was hoping that I would not need to be medicated this time around...  That I would be able to simply enjoy the state of incubation...  To have not a care and to daydream about Boogie holding hands and cuddling up with the baby during all of my free time (HA!  what is that, anyway?)...  But, alas, it was not meant to be...  This weekend, though, I went through an amazing tailspin...  I ended up white as a sheet, barely-more-than-horizontal, and daydreaming about the ability to nibble on some tasty grapes without feeling like I was only biding my time until I took up my worship of the porcelain goddess once again...  Instead of being stupid and torturing myself, I decided to call the doctor's office before things got completely out of control...  After my first pregnancy, during which I tried to wean myself off of the Phenergan way too many times, I got pretty good at recognizing the systematic return to a state of full-on hyperemesis...  I figured that reaching the point of being couch-ridden, pale as a sheet, and ready to puke, meant "it was time"...  Immediately after receiving confirmation that my prescription was being called in to the pharmacy, my body decided to celebrate by taking me all the way to the next level...  Yay!  (And, no, I do not really think puking is at all fun)...  I am so thankful that I live in a time and a place where I am able to get a prescription to help my body retain food and water so that I can nourish my unborn child...  As much as my mom and sister like to harp on me about how "lucky" I am to have the choice of taking this prescription, and try to make me feel guilty that they had to put up with their morning sickness all nine months, I am thankful that they never had to experience the extreme sickness that is hyperemesis...  I try to be as polite as possible, to recognize that I am very thankful for the medical professionals from whom I receive my medication, and to move on before I slap them for thinking their doctor would not help them if they had it even close to as bad as me...  I am also thankful that my husband is supportive enough to encourage me to take this medication instead of being like some guys who think I am just wimping out where other women have proven themselves more capable...  Yeah...  As the eloquently-spoken Rachel Green once said, "No uterus, no opinion!"  Later days...  

I can't say with absolute certainty that I have never had any Indian food before, but I know I had never been to an Indian restaurant before this afternoon...  I absolutely LOVED the food, and the new friends who brought us there we the best people to bring us...  Not that I don't trust most people about food stuffs, but it's much easier to trust Banana and her hubby -- since he is Indian and she met him while she was living in India...  So, when they said that we were going to the best Indian restaurant in the area, I knew they weren't effing around!  I tried so many different things, and I probably couldn't tell you what any of them were called, but I can say that I liked everything I tried!  Yay!  I am so proud of me!  Teeheehee...  Now, if only Boogie would have had more than a piece or two of fruit...  Oh well...  Maybe when he is older...  Later days...

I am still not "over" an incident that happened last night...  I woke up at about 10:20pm (yes, that means I had already been asleep), and I got up to go pee...  As I was sitting on the potty, Boogie walks in all sleepily and says that he has to pee too...  I told him that I was almost done and that he had to "hold it"until I was done...  He started absent-mindedly pulling down his shorts, and I tried reminding him he had to wait his turn, when I suddenly felt a whole lot of pee landing on my legs and crotch...  I pulled him in toward me and tried the best I could to get him to pee between my legs instead of peeing on me anymore, but it just wasn't meant to be...  After we were both done peeing, I yelled for Clark to turn on the light (since the nightlight was NOT going to be good enough to clean it all up)...  I tried to explain to Boogie that it was really important that he listen to me next time in order to avoid peeing on me again...  He tried telling me that he didn't pee on me, but then I showed him all of the pee that was on my pants, underwear, and the floor...  His little lower lip started to quiver and he looked like he was going to cry really hard, so I felt terrible, and just shooed him off to bed so I could deal with the mess alone...  Clark was not too helpful, since he was busy laughing at me, but at least he got the boy into bed...  Man...  Can I just say that I hope I NEVER have to go through anything that disgusting again with a child who should be old enough to know better?!?  Effin' sleepy kids not knowing what they're doing and stuff...  Man!  Later days...

Is really such an amazing thing...  When I go through all of the images of how much a baby develops from week to week, inside the womb, I can't help but wish there was some sort of uterocam with which I could watch my own little Gummy Bear growing...  In just the last seven days, for instance, Baby Center says that Gummy has gone from the size of a poppy seed to the size of a sesame seed...  That's exponential growth here, people!  No wonder my energy is all gone...  Teeheehee...  Now, if only I didn't have to take the progesterone supplement (to decrease chances of miscarriage) that is making my morning sickness kick in an entire 4-5 weeks sooner than it did for Boogie...  I understand why it is so important to take -- hence the fact that I am not stopping -- but kinda wonder if the sickness factor doesn't prove that my hormone level is high enough to go without...  Bah...  If it gets unbearable -- like if I can't move or eat, or if I start puking up everything I eat -- I can always call and see what they think...  It's nice to have the perspective (and "training") of another pregnancy and child, I must say...  This time around, I know what to expect (and what the warning signs of hyperemesis are)...  And I also know how to force myself on when I feel like just curling up and napping every time I feel exhausted...  I guess I should thank Boogie for giving me that sleep-deprivation training these last 4 years, but I don't quite feel ready for that...  Maybe I will just have to give him an extra kiss without an explanation...  Don't want him to think that I expect any more "help" in the future!  Later days...

Or a crazy waste of taxpayer money?!?  A week or two ago, the guys were over for gaming, and we all heard a ton of sirens...  It sounded like half of the town must be going up in flames...  Luckily, Clark and I have been through this before and knew not to be worried...  It is only because one of the sports teams won a major game...  Last night, when I was about to put Boogie to bed, it happened again...  Boogie looked so sad...  He said, "I'm tired, and the sirens are too loud...  It's too scary, so I don't want to be alone in my room."  To show him that it was nothing scary, I brought him downstairs and we waited for the crazy parade to weave its way down our street...  Of course, this would be the one time that they skip our street!  We did hear them on the next street over, though, and I took a "video" (though it's so dark that it's pretty much only a sound recording)... 

Yeah...  I definitely feel like I live in Texas sometimes...  For goodness sake, why do they have to go through the entire town from about 8pm to 9:30pm with sirens, horns, and cheering people?!?  It's not that I am not proud of our sports teams or anything, but I think that it is a crazy waste to spend the extra money for the bus driver and the gas for both the school bus and the fire trucks (our neighbor tole me they had FIVE of them out last night)...  Geesh...  Later days...

People have backed off and given apologies, and I have also come up for air long enough to lose a little of the edge of hysteria...  Thanks to the people who talked me down, gave me hugs, and offered their services as hired thugs!  Teeheehee...  While I can, logically, understand that people were just trying to be silly, logic does not necessarily calm a frightened pregnant woman when she is being teased from every freakin' angle...  What I need right now is for people to help me through rough patches -- not to create new ones!  After the ultrasound on July 1st, I will know whether or not to freak out -- and I am sure y'all will hear about it one way or another on this blog...  So far, though, my beta hCG levels have "risen appropriately," and I am just holding on to that good news...  One day at a time...  (just like an alcoholic)...  Later days...

Why so many people are insensitive enough to think that they need to continue to make remarks even though I have made it abundantly clear that I am in no way, shape, or form finding it amusing...  Just an FYI for everyone out there: It's only a "joke" when the other person is laughing too...  When you know you're making her cry, and you say it anyway, you're being a dick...  That it all...  Later days...

Because I cannot turn my brain off...  Because I am so aggravated...  Because I don't understand why sharing my joy has to mean opening myself up to the jibs and the jabs of people who [hopefully] don't understand how scared I am that having twins or triplets would disjoint my entire life and everything about it that makes me feel fulfilled and like I am able to deal...  Sure, I know a lot of people have had babies they did not plan on...  Sure, I know that it would not be the end of the world if I had more children than were in my "plan"...  But, it WOULD mean that I would probably have to give up the job that I love...  And for that reason, I would not know how we could afford to keep paying for the house and the car and every other obligation that we have right now...  Some people have told me that "God does not give you anything you cannot handle," but I don't believe that...  What about all the people who have nervous breakdowns or do truly terrible things because they just "snap"?!?  I don't anticipate that I will do anything to myself, my husband, or my children...  But, I do fear that I would become horribly depressed...  And, right now, I am experiencing a low that I have not hit in quite some time...  And, for what?  Someone's idea of a joke?  The fear that their "joke" may become my reality?  I know that I, technically, accepted a risk of multiples when I signed up for fertility treatments...... but I also know that the drug I took has practically as low of a risk of multiples as the general population faces...  So, what now?  I wait for the blood work to be drawn up and analyzed in the morning...  I wait for the phone call back with my new levels tomorrow afternoon...  And then I wait for the ultrasound that will give us a "fetal count"...  Just typing that phrase made me start to cry again...  Does that make me a bad person?  A bad mother?  That I could want another child so badly but then balk at the idea that I would end up with even one more than I planned for?  Right now, I feel like a complete asshole...  Clark is downstairs playing WOW, and I am sure he thinks I am asleep...  Hell, even I wasn't sure I would make it much past Boogie's bedtime...  But now I am so worked up that I am either going to be up at least another hour or I will just cry myself to sleep...  And I feel bad going down and dragging him out of his game because I am so hormonal that I let people get to me, so I don't think I will be doing that anytime soon...  I was chatting online with a friend, earlier this evening, and I am so thankful that she "stopped by" to say hi...  She was able to talk me down a little and to remind me that being pregnant often brings unwanted, snide/hurtful comments but that feeling hurt didn't make me a bitch...  It just made me a human being who, being in an already fragile state, should not have to remind people to keep their "worst case scenarios" to themselves so that I didn't freak out unless there was an actual cause to do so...  Bah...  Writing about it isn't making me feel any better...  If anything, this vent has made me feel worse, so I guess I ought to just go and see if I can "Tetris" myself to sleep on Facebook... Later days...