Fuckity FUCK. I just tried to post and upload a video. I got the following existential error message from Vox:
"Sadly, your search couldn’t be completed. You could try again, but it still might not work. The world is a very unpredictable place. For this, we are truly sorry."That sounds very, um, Protestant.
I really didn't think nursing was going to work out for me. Most of you know that. For the first month of LittleGuy's life, I was very close to giving up. A few trusted sources told me to stick it out until six weeks. I did. Amazingly, they were right, it did get easier...but I still wasn't sold. I was dependent on that damn nipple shield and I had very little confidence that my "chest structure" would ever truly be able to feed my child.
However, ten weeks into this nursing relationship with my baby and I'm a done deal. I love it. I feel like breastfeeding Finn is one of the most amazing things I have ever done in my entire life. An accomplishment as much as it is a gift. He practically weaned himself off the shield over a week ago and I can't believe that "they" work - all by themselves! Well, LittleGuy is bigger and knows what to do now, so that helps A LOT.
I finally feel comletely in tune with the whole experience. I did not believe people who told me it's easier to breastfeed, but now I know it's true. And, it is just an amazing thing to be able to nourish your child...just by being alive and eating and drinking and staying near your baby. Amazing. My body makes food. I am a fully functioning kitchen for my baby. Completely mind blowing. Everytime we sit down for a "meal" I am washed in awe.
It really irks me that the nurses in NY did not encourage me more when Littleman was born. It makes me sad that this experience was lost for him...and me. I am sad that I'll only get to nurse one baby. I don't feel any less connected to Littleman, plus, I really didn't know what I was missing. (Since I won't be letting LittleGuy sleep in our bed, I feel like the boys are even in "closeness to mommy as a baby" issues). And I am not saying that every one should nurse - it has to be right for that mom and that baby at that moment. It really is not easy. It takes patience and confidence (when you have none) and, most of all, a support system.
All that said, as much as I love nursing, it is pretty gross. Milk gets every where. At times I am literally a geyser. It completely suppresses my libido and there are a multitude of drugs (ie, birth control) that are forbidden. I lack grace and tact, so in public I am pretty much a nursing nightmare. (Thank goodness Littleman is too young to be embarassed by me...and Papabear is working so much, he's usually not with us). And, I know I have complained about this before, but the sheer size that I have to carry around...is really ridiculous. So, it's not heaven or perfect. But, it is beautiful. *I* may not be, but the act is beautiful. Beautiful and peaceful and almost magical. I feel completely and utterly content. I am living my dream.
I am a mommy of two beautiful boys and wife to a man I love and adore. If I died today I could say I have everything I ever wanted.
Here's the last of 'em. LittleGuy as a horsie and Littleman with his friends.
Now that Halloween is over, Littleman is already talking about Christmas. Taking down the Halloween decorations was so sad for him (we've had them up since October 1!!!!). I almost wish there were more decorations for Thanksgiving. BUT, I am not going there. The day after Thanksgiving we break out the Christmas stuff and that's good enough for me. I love that Littleman shares my excitement for holidays. He could ignore my jollyness, but he embraces it. We'll make some turkey decorations to get us through until black Friday. I have to make calendars for him to hang in his room so he can check off the days.
Well, I haven't been sleeping great, so I think I'm going to head to bed. I think all the adrenaline and elation that got me through the first two months has finally wore off...and the lack of sleep is taking its toll. I can't say enough how grateful I am to have friends out here who invite me over for dinner or come over when I need their kids to entertain mine. I couldn't survive without them.
Go forth and fill your libraries with media.
Seriously, thanks to everyone for being so amazing and patient. You are the reason I love Vox.
So Landon has started going on the potty again sometime maybe once a day but thats a start again! The boys had a great time Trick or Treating! Jason and I had a good time together. We have had several heart to hearts and we are really trying to let things with Logan interfere in our marriage. We get so down on ourselves when hes having so much trouble that it causes problems everywhere else. We are really trying to meet each others needs and keep up our spirits about being able to help Logan. Jason is going in to observe his class hopefully next week. We are not trying anymore vitinmins with Logan because he had an allergic reaction. I am thinking of having him tested for allegeries he has often ended up with hives so maybe if we know what he is allergic too it might help him in school. We all went out to breakfast together this morning which was really nice even though Logan was over tired from trick or treating and too much candy! I am worried about him having a hard day monday because Halloween threw off his schedule a bit! Though this past week we have seen a small improvement! I had Logan give his teacher flowers for Halloween I figured sucking up can't hurt! We had so much drama with breaking costumes though and that suck but we got it all settled with some time a late night trip to walmart and velcro.
Now for the truly insane part of our night. We all tuckered out about 9:30 or 10 went to sleep soundly. At 3am there is someone ringing are bell over and over again. I am thinking dude someone better be dead and if they wake up my kids they will be dead! ;O) Unforunately it was something serious are neighbor was at our door in tears. His wife, him and three other neighbors went out to a club after there kids went to bed. Apparently his wife thought he asked someone to dance walked back home and when he got home started hitting him with a broom. Accusing everyone of cheating with her husband. It took all three of them to pull her off of him! My husband had to help the guy file charges because hes his boss and hes our friend. Our other neighbor is now a witness and they arrested the wife. The part of this I hate to admit is its our babysitter who got arrested. We knew they had money trouble and some martial issues but we had no idea it was this bad. We have the serious worse taste in babysitters. She seemed so normal and the kids love her. I think it must be stressed and hurt. Stuff like this is why I do not drink anymore I am too old for this crap. Shes younger and shes about to learn her lesson the hard way. Why never to mix wounded emotions and drinking! I truly feel bad for their children and them both. Its a sad mess up stuff that didn't need to happen. Seriously people need to learn when they should not drink and its sad it takes stuff like this to figure it out. I understand to some extent. It took me a decent amount of craziness for me to learn. I truly think she has learned. Either way I am now out a babysitter because there is no way I will leave me kids with her. Even though her children are such good kids. Thats a crazy situation and I don't want my children anywhere near just in case! I need to get better at judging babysitters! People are crazy!
For some reason, Papabear gets the biggest grins out of our LittleGuy and today we had our first big laughs - amazingly I caught them on video.
Littleman had his Halloween party at preschool yesterday. They made jack-o-lantern cupcakes.
LittleGuy's wearing shoes!!!! How cute!
Pumpkin carving....
Papabear went all out when making a veggie tray for Littleman and a friend he had over for dinner!!! Would it surprise you at all to hear that Littleman cried when Lauren ate a little of HIS name???
In case you want an update on the breast feeding, continue reading: I started weaning LittleGuy off the shield a few days ago by taking it off for one of the afternoon feedings. WELL, by yesterday afternoon, he decided he wanted NONE of the shield at all! It's been a little bit of a struggle. When the jugs are full, so to speak, there's not a lot of surface area which makes it difficult for LittleGuy to latch on. He gets royally pissed, though, if I try to start with the shield - he really wants nothing to do with it! But, he has trouble getting "on" without it. This morning, though, we finally made things "work" by using the latch-assist. Without going into too much detail, for those of you who have no interest in reading about the finer details of breastfeeding, it's going well. We had a full feeding session completely free of the shield. I am still amazed that I am doing this. I am feeding my baby and it feels great to be able to do so.
Are you wondering if he sleeps through the night? He's pretty much on this eating schedule at night: 8p, dreamfeed at 10:30p, 3:30a, 7a - So I am up at 3:30 and 7 ish....I have adjusted to this so I am functioning okay. I am hopeful that he'll start sleeping longer soon....aren't we all? He's cute and sweet and cuddly, so I feel well compensated for the lack of sleep....
This little one is NOT sleeping in our bed like Littleman did for so, so, so many months. (not yet anyway, ha ha) He sleeps in the bassinet next to our bed. I tried moving him to his room the other day, but it's too soon. I felt absolutely haggard running down there in the middle of the night. I'm going to try again in a couple of weeks.
That's all for now folks! Hope everyone has a happy halloween!
LT was describing how HRH Tortie has been curling up under the covers now that the weather has turned chilly. Which got me thinking: my office is pretty cold. I was going to bring in a little heater, but discovered they are "unauthorized" because of a potential fire hazard. So why not have a nice, warm, furry, cuddly animal to sit in my lap instead? Preferably one of these:
Meet the Pallas' Cat. It lives on the Asian steppes and grows no bigger than a large housecat. It appears to be 80% floof:
And check out the kittens. How nice would a brace of these little guys be on a frosty winter morning?
I was just told that the Amazon Conduit will be fixed by tomorrow. I will post here as soon as I get word that it's back up and running.
I know this has been frustrating and I am sorry there wasn't more I could do to make it less so. I really appreciate your patience though.
Cheers,
I have 20 minutes before the bus drops off SkyWalker. Both girls are napping and it is lovely. We had a pumpkin painting playdate this morning and because we were home/Chewie was fed enough/active enough/the planets were aligned enough/ she actually took a decent morning nap. Which will hopefully also mean a decent afternoon nap and then a decent night. We were thrown off when we had to postpone lunch so we could bring new pants to SkyWalker at school. And they were barely wet! He could have made it. They don't even smell like pee!
