16 weeks and growing well...
Later days...
Even my kid thinks so... Yesterday, on the ride home, we were talking about Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs because I had checked out the DVD to watch over the weekend... Boogie has never seen it, and he was asking a lot of questions... Apparently, "Wait and see it in the movie!" means nothing to him (because I must have said it 20 times in a row)... Well, at one point, he asked if I had seen the movie and I explained that I had seen it several times because it has been out since before I was a little girl... His response? "Wow! It must be pretty old!" You cut me deep Boogie... You cut me real deep! Later days...
I wonder if I really am a good enough mother... Some days, I question whether having another child will make my "bad days" more frequent; if another child will only shorten the half-life of my good days... I am sure that being nauseated all day for nearly all of the past 9 weeks [yeah, it started at about week 6 this time] has done quite a number on my patience... I am also sure that ending my work day by puking in the staff bathroom was not the best way to prepare for a long car ride with a tired pre-schooler... I would like to think that my logic would help me to recognize when my nausea is compounding something that is not really a big deal, but logic seems to be on maternity leave already... I can only pray that never getting pregnant again will help me to be a better mother when I have both children to deal with in future years... I feel like I have been nothing but a moping, whining bitch for probably the last 3 or 4 weeks, but I just feel so damn terrible that I can't psyche myself out of it for more than a couple hours at a time... Clark has been really understanding... Too understanding, probably... But I still wonder if he is being nicer on the surface than he really feels... When we got home today, after Boogie had whined for the entire 40 minute drive, Clark and I both kind of met the end of our patience... Boogie would not take the cheap [most likely lead-laden] dinosaur figurine out of his mouth, so I took it out of his mouth for him and brought it into the kitchen with me... Boogie, then, proceeded to throw himself on the floor and scream/cry while simultaneously refusing to move out of the doorway so I could keep the cat from getting out onto the porch... I moved on to filling up water bottles and adding water to the vase on the counter, in an attempt to remove myself from the frustration of the moment, but I managed to knock down an open bottle of water... As I reacted with a clenched-teeth grunt of frustration, Clark was coming through the front door and told Boogie and I that we both needed to go up to our rooms to chill out... That's where I keep my phenergan, anyhow, so I decided to follow through with the "suggestion" and hope that I would feel better by the time Clark finished cooking dinner... So, now, I am just sitting on my bed, crying, and trying to "blog it out of my system" while trying to ignore Boogie's procession of Star Wars bobble heads that I already told him I didn't want to see right now... I know, deep down, that he just likes Star Wars so much that he is hoping it will cheer me up, but it really isn't helping... And, now, Boogie has just broken my heart by asking me, "Mama, why do you have tears?" I answered that "I am having a hard time dealing with feeling like I am going to throw up all the time," and he replied, "Yeah. It's hard work making a baby." after which he took down the bobble heads and went to his room to entertain himself... Nausea + frustration + guilt = one hell of a night for Bee... Later days...
It is such a necessary thing for so many reasons, yet it eludes me at every turn... When my own body is to blame it can be either nightmares, multiple wakings [for no reason], or too many trips to the bathroom... Last night, though, my body finally cooperated -- and then the boy and the cat conspired to drive me crazy... I realize that I will soon have an infant to take care of, and I know that will cut into my sleep... But I also know that it is less difficult to get upset about it when the baby actually NEEDS something from me... The boy knew that I was trying to sleep and kept waking me up even though he didn't need a darn thing... At one point, he actually woke me up to tell me that he wanted to cuddle me so I wouldn't have to wake up -- and then proceeded to kick and punch me while he got comfortable... Ugh... I love that kid an awful lot, so I guess I will have to let him live... It just sucks because the more tired I am, the more I feel like I am going to puke... So, yeah... Tired = cranky + nauseous... I am gonna be so much fun today... Later days...
http://www.bakersfieldnow.com/news/local/45185112.html... http://www.bakersfield.com/news/local/x339729128/Bakersfield-dad-accused-of-biting-out-sons-eye... Found out about this story here -- http://blog.timesunion.com/drkari/stop-the-world-i-want-to-get-off/62/... There are no words... Later days...
OMG... It's too cute to stand... Boogie's playing soccer now... On a team!
Dude... Sometimes, I can't believe how big Boogie has gotten... Later days...
It hasn't happened on recent weekends, but I think it is definitely still necessary for Boogie... He is having such a meltdown right now that I cannot believe he is the same well-mannered, intelligent, and reasonable child with whom we were discussing Harry Potter earlier... Ugh... Clark is bringing him upstairs so he can chill out in his room, and I pray it works... Later days...
Facebook... Vox... All sites I have been wanting to update but not really getting to lately... In "real life," I am getting caught up on laundry and dishes and finding time to just plop on the couch when I am feeling crappy, and I find that those things are a bit more important than having all of my internet ducks in a row... I just don't seem to have much energy for anything above and beyond subsistance living lately... A lot of well-meaning people at work keep saying that I will probably feel better soon, but I know I probably won't... I try to tell them that, while attempting not to sound whiny, bitchy, or overly negative, but there are only so many times that you can remind people that you required "anti-puking" meds for your entire pregnancy last time and are trying not to foolishly expect a better outcome this time around... Sure, I can be hopeful... But I don't want to be unrealistic either... It's tough, though, since I am sure they don't really know what else to say... It's tempting to just pretend everything is peachy keen, but it's a little obvious that you're lying if you say, "Things are great!" as you walk in all pale and chalky grey first thing in the morning... You know?!? I won't have Princess at the library today, so that should make things a little easier... I can't handle her being up my ass all day, and she is so painfully shy that I just want to shake her sometimes... But, I can understand how being holed up with your family all the time instead of ever getting out would do that to a kid... Man, I hope bringing Boogie all over with us will pay off in that respect... We try, you know?!? Sigh... Better get going now if I want to try and get a new pair of black shoes (the old ones are ripping apart) before work today... Later days...
