12 posts tagged “angry”

I am so sick of the "holier than thou" attitude some people have toward me...  They think that their being older automatically means that they know more than me -- about everything...  Well, let me tell you something...  When it comes to working with teens and advocating for them, these people don't know shit...  I just overheard them say that I don't know what I'M talking about, but they sure as shit know nothing about "real" teens...  They assume that the few trouble makers -- who are mostly misunderstood in the first place -- are the only teens for whom we make our library policies...  And, somehow, they think that this makes it fair to have age discriminatory policies (that only work against teens)...  The other day, a student was hit by a truck as he walked to our library...  Why?  Because he missed his bus home and would have needed a fucking pass (from a teacher, not a parent) to get the bus here -- but he didn't have one...  So, he did like a lot of my teens and walked down a major road (it's less than a 1/2 mile, but still dangerous) to get here...  Unfortunately, he didn't even make it all the way here...  He was hit by a truck and the boat it was towing, so he has a broken nose, stitches all over his face (to the extent that his eyes are swollen shut), broken shoulder blades, a collapsed lung, a broken pelvis, a disconnected hip, and a broken foot...  There were a TON of witnesses -- some his friends and some who were not -- who all said that the kid merely walked across the road (not playing chicken as rumors have stated) and that the driver probably would never have hit him if he didn't freak out and slam on the brakes (causing the truck and boat to skid to the right and hit the kid)...  And yet people still feel as if the teen MUST HAVE done SOMETHING wrong to cause this accident -- citing the so-called fact that, "Teens lie to protect each other."  WTF?!?  Some of these kids were his friends, but some of them didn't even know him -- and I got the same story from all of them...  I am so pissed that I don't think I will be able to get much actual work accomplished right now...  And that's a bad thing, since I am the only one in the children's room AND I have a class coming in at noon...  Gah...  Later days...

Water everywhere, but not to take a shower... Bah!  After I finished cleaning the fish tank, I noticed that the effing faucet in the tub/shower was leaking...  I looked it up online, and it seemed easy enough to fix, so I decided to go for it...  When we opened up the tub/shower valve, we saw that it was actually broken enough that it required a new one...  But the new one that Clark bought is different enough that we have to un-solder some pipes and start from scratch...  Plus, the water shut-offs in our house are inefficient and don't shut off all the way -- so there is either water leaking from the damn water main line coming into our house (when we try to shut that all the way off) or water oozing from the area in which we need to put the new shower valve (when we try to just shut down water to the bathroom)...  Life needs an effing "undo" button...  I would much rather have had the stupid little drip instead of this whole mess -- especially two freakin days before we go away on vacation...  Grrrrrrrr...  Later days...

Aren't what they used to be...  I cannot believe that a so-called feminist wrote this article -- http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry...  And this article -- http://www.boston.com/jobs/news/articles/2008/03/02/want_to_have_a_baby_nows_the_time/ -- is just as frightening...  WTF, people?!?  I love how it's always all about how women have to settle and how women need to make mating a priority...  How about convincing a few guys to settle down a little sooner?  To stop trying to bone every chick who walks by and focus on finding a partner for life?  Grrrr...  Later days...

See below to find out why (this is a message I just sent to Google via their "contact us" for legal reasons form)...

I just opened Google.com on my computer -- at the Children's Room Reference Desk at a public library -- so that I could sign in to check my Gmail.  I was both sickened and angered by what transpired.

Instead of a plain Google search page, nevertheless, I was brought to a general "iGoogle" page that suggests users create their own.  That was not, in and of itself a problem.  The issue I had was that the "Recently Added YouTube Videos" section featured a video entitled "sex fun" -- which included a graphic sexual image.  And, of course, that section is prominently displayed on the generic iGoogle page. 

I quickly closed the window, and I do not believe any patrons (child or adult) saw the image, but I was completely mortified.  Many people already have concerns about the public library not applying filters to the internet, and something like this will certainly not do anything to convince patrons otherwise.

While I am not sure that there is anything you can do to make up for this terrible offense, I thought it was worthwhile to mention it to you so that you could try to find a way to fix this problem for future child searchers who could otherwise stumble across this, or a similar, image. 

Thank you, in advance, for your time and attention to this issue.

Holy crap, man...  I am so glad it was me and not a patron -- especially that it was not a patron to whom I had suggested using Google.com (as I often do)...  My best guess is that Tech Girl needs to take a little bit of time and see whether there is a way to force the internet computers in the Children's Room to go to a plain Google search page instead of the iGoogle thing...  Bah...  Later days...

In case any of you missed the lovely comment on my "Presents..." post, let me share the following:

I think that when you use the phrase WTF, in a blog entry about religion, you really are not in a position to throw many stones. And if your real intention is to teach the true meaning of the holiday, then how much your sister spends on gifts to your child, or if it happens to be more than you spend, is truly irrelevant. It isn't about the gifts is it? It isn't about you being ungrateful, it is about you saying one thing, and then demonstrating quite another by your show of irrational anger and language.

I guess my only response to you, Karen, is that you would have to know me and my family in order to understand my "irrational" anger...  It is not at all irrational, given the entire picture of how fucked up my family is...  And my choice of "language" actually has nothing to do with my religious views...  I would never use the word "fuck" at church, since I know that is inappropriate... On my own "anonymous" blog, to express my frustration, nevertheless, I do not find it at all inappropriate...  More inappropriate, to me, is a complete stranger chastising me without knowing the complete picture...  My sister treats me as if I don't love my child when she hears that I don't completely overwhelm him with gifts on every possible occasion (whether one can even afford it or not is irrelevant to her, btw)...  So rather than seeing this as her doing something nice,  I can't help but feel that she is trying to "rescue" Boogie from his mean old mom and dad who didn't buy him everything in the Toys R Us catalog...  And as far as me "demonstrating" the wrong message...  Does my 2 year old read my freakin' internet blog?!?  NO!  So, my venting in an anonymous blog does nothing to teach him the wrong message about Christmas...   Get off your high horse, and don't bother reading my blog if I offend you so much...  Later days...

On my pillow...  I guess my baby kitty doesn't want me to try and convince Clark to keep her...  I really didn't want to do anything before Christmas, but I almost put my head in cat shit when I went to read a book during Boogie's nap today...  No effing way am I putting up with this any longer...  I was stupid for even thinking she would change...  Story of my life, I guess...  (You know, what with my mom and all)...  Bah...  Later days...

I just sent this e-mail complaint:

To Whom it May Concern:

I am writing to register a complaint with your company.  For months now, I have been receiving phone calls with an automated message stating that my auto warranty is about to expire.  I started off ignoring the message, since I knew the message to be erroneous.  About 2 months ago, however, I pressed "1" to be connected with a customer service representative.  When I asked to be placed on the "do not call list," I was told, "Ok" and then promptly hung up on.  Unfortunately, I did not log exactly when that call transpired or with whom I had spoken.  On July 9th, my husband spoke with someone named Jeff at about 5pm.  This person assured him that he would place us on the "do not call list," but also hung up without so much as taking our name or number. 

This evening, after receiving the exact same recorded message once more, I waited a full five minutes for a customer service representative to answer the call (when I pressed "1").  I asked the man for the name of the company for which he was working and his own name.  He told me he was working for Warrantech and that his name was Joshua.  I told him that I was interested in speaking with a manager.  He responded, "No problem.  I have plenty of time."  Then, he hung up on me.  I have no idea why your company would think that this is good customer service, but I can tell you one thing.  If I receive one more call from your company, rest assured I will be registering a complaint with both the Better Business Bureau and the FTC.  I would appreciate it if you would simply remove my number from your calling list, nevertheless, and would rather not have to pursue this any further.  Thank you.

-- [JewJewBee]

Grrrr..... Later days...

I just spoke to Keltia and I am so angry with her doctors...  They still don't really know what is wrong with her, but she has had a fever as high as 103.2 recently...  Apparently, they are "baffled"...  Just what you want to hear, right?!?  Her fever seemed to be going down overnight, but then started to rise again this morning...  They have taken so much blood it's hard to believe she has any left (some of the collection containers they used yesterday looked like/were as big as damn tabasco sauce bottles!)...  Her drainage tubes don't seem to be working again, but we are trying to be optimistic and just hoping that the bile has stopped leaking (or at least as bad)...  She had a CT scan this morning, but they haven't yet told her family anything about what they saw (or didn't see)...  More than anything, we all just want some answers...  What the hell is wrong?  How can they actually fix it?  When will she be able to finally leave the hospital?   Someone has to know, don't they?!?  Please continue to pray for Keltia...  She needs all the help she can get...  Later days...

It's pointless for me to worry about what I will say to my mom, since it won't change a damn thing anyway...  I was all nervous about talking to my mom because I didn't want to hear that she was choosing NMD over me...  Every time I make a plea, I am ignored...  The example I gave my dad on Easter is how I used to beg my mom to quit smoking, or at least in front of me, since my parents' smoking gave me asthma...  Once I was diagnosed, my dad was much better about smoking in front of me, but my mom just ignored me...  She finally quit smoking in front of me when I was pregnant, but that was only after I made a huge deal out of it...  And now, she will still smoke near me and my kid when we are outside -- and seems to prefer standing "upwind," of course...  I'm used to it in a way...  I am the one who "doesn't belong"...  But part of me still wants her acceptance...  Part of me still wants to believe, "My mommy loves me more than anything in the world," and she can change if she wants to, and she will want to change when she hears how she has hurt me...  This morning, she called and left a message on the answering machine (I screened the call because I wasn't about to "get into it" with her while Boogie was up and about)...  She said that she "didn't realize" I didn't want to be around NMD and that she thought it was only bringing him out to my house that was a problem...  So, I guess telling her that I don't want to have to explain the screwed up situation to my child doesn't make it clear enough that the problem is him and not where he is?!?  Whatever...  I guess a big part of being a pathological liar and extremely self-centered person is that you don't always listen when people talk to you...  Another part is twisting what they say into what you would rather have heard, I suppose...  I want to stop being depressed over a woman who seems to care nothing about my happiness...  But a part of me just won't let that happen...  Even more sick is how I manage to worry whether Boogie will ever see me the same way -- as if I am anything like her at all...  When I called her back this afternoon, I thought we would surely argue, that she would surely trying to saddle me with the "world's biggest guilt trip," and that I would end up feeling worse instead of better when we hung up...  Well, I was right about the latter most prediction, at least...  I didn't know what to say, really, so I just said, "I got your message from this morning."  I figured that was good enough to get us started on a discussion of what really needs to be dealt with...  She started right in talking about stupid bullshit, though, like how she is packing to go away to some Primerica thing with my dad this weekend, and I didn't know how to steer the conversation back to what I really needed to get off my chest...  Well, without looking like a bitch on a mission, anyway...  So, we had the same sort of polite conversation you would have with a stranger while you're waiting for a connecting flight...  Little snippets about the local news...  Complaints about chores or being tired...  Nothing that matters...  Just something to pass the time...  And I feel like that is all I am to my mother...  Something else to help her pass the time...  I am surely not worthy of any sacrifice on her part -- though she will play the martyr if you choose to believe her convoluted story of staying home because my father is "old-fashioned" and they both wanted to "raise us right"...  Forget the fact that my father has said (in front of us, no less) that she is more than welcome to get a job anytime she wants instead of complaining that they never have any money to do anything "fun"...  Forget the fact that she largely ignored us so she could play cards and get high with her friends all the time...  Forget the fact that she beat the hell out of us for little or no reason...  She wasn't being lazy by not working; she sacrificed her career for us...  A part of me just wants to cut her out of my life...  Just stop calling...  Never go over there...  Throw away the cards she sends us for birthdays and holidays...  But a part of me just wants to keep on believing that she will finally see the error in her ways, finally apologize, and finally work to make things right between us...  It would be so easy to pretend she didn't exist if only she and my father weren't together...  But, since they are still "together" -- though I don't see much togetherness in a relationship like that -- and since I still love my daddy and want to continue to have a relationship with him, I suppose I should keep things civil...  Right?!?  Later days...

He's Not My Dad...  He's not welcome around me and my kid...  And I'm not happy because of him...  I thought I had made it clear to my mom that NMD was not welcome at family functions, as far as I was concerned...  It is awkward, to say the least, that she is married to my father and screwing around with this guy...  It made me really angry last year when people who didn't know my family thought that NMD was my dad and that my dad was just an uncle or something -- because NMD and my mom showed up separately to Boogie's birthday party, didn't hang out with my dad, and then left without/before him (to "go shopping"... grrrr)...  It makes me even more angry when my mom can only ever talk about what a jerk she thinks my father is and how wonderful NMD is...  Give me a freakin' break...  I told Clark that we would try going to my parents' house for Easter but that I was not about to stay if NMD was there...  He said he agreed with my plan...  I told my sister that I would be leaving shortly after arriving if NMD was, in fact, there...  She said she understood and was just happy that Boogie and Princess got together for pictures and such at her house first...  When we got to my parents' house, NMD's car was in the driveway -- of course...  I pulled my mom outside and reminded her of what we had discussed before...  She played dumb, like she thought it was "OK" at her house -- even though I clearly said that I didn't want to confuse my son about the sanctity of marriage and whatnot...  Somehow, she thought I only cared what "strangers" (non-family) thought?!?  Whatever...  We stayed for a few minutes, but when I tried to get Boogie ready to leave, Daddy looked all confused and asked me what was going on...  I figured my mom would have pulled my dad to the side and told him, but I guess (in retrospect) she had no time -- since he headed straight out to the egg hunt with Boogie and Princess...  He came outside with me, and I just started bawling my eyes out as I explained everything to him...  I told him that I felt horrible about not spending Easter with him, but that I could not "fake it" through another holiday with NMD around...   I told him that I have always felt like I come second to anything else my mother wants and that this was just further proof...  I mean, she would never stop smoking in front of me, even though I asked her AND reminded her that her smoking was the reason I developed asthma as a kid...  She finally did, when I was pregnant, but now she stands right next to Boogie and lights up when we are at a parade or something...  WTF?!?  I guess if she wants something, I am just selfish to ask her to give it up -- no matter how damaging or unimportant that other thing may be...  I told Daddy that I understand that Mom has feelings for NMD, but that I also feel she has no right to bring him around my son unless she and my father were separated or divorced...  You're either married or you're not -- there's no half-way in my book -- and that is the way I prefer to teach my son...  Damn it...  I just feel like the biggest asshole because I know that my dad has been unhappy with this situation for a long time, even though I know he is reluctant to say anything because it is "his fault" the whole thing started anyway...  Long story short: he has ED, no herbs or medicines work for him, and he felt bad for my mom, so he got her a "lover"...  That didn't mean he wanted to be put on the back burner for the rest of his life...  It just meant that he felt bad about being "half a man" (his words) and wanted to, somehow, "make it up to" his wife...  Why she thinks this makes it OK to constantly take off for weekend get-aways with NMD (including on my dad's birthday!) and to have this guy over during family holiday parties, I will never know...  But, I am sure there are plenty of things I will just never understand about her...  The best news is that I do not have to go over to lunch at her house for at least 2 weeks -- since one of us will be out of town on those Fridays...  Even better than that is the fact that I will be going full time at work in June, and I will never again have to suffer through a "lunch date" that I am attending more out of guilt (of keeping my son from visiting a Mema he doesn't know better than to love) than a desire to see or spend time with my mother...  Hopefully, having my in-laws over tonight will turn this day around for me...  Later days...