18 posts tagged “family”

So, there has been a lot going on lately...  And I keep thinking that I need to post things, but I don't ever get around to it...  For this reason, I have decided that I will do a mash-up post...  It may end up really confusing and a bit bi-polar, but y'all should probably expect things like that from me anyway!  Teeheehee...  Where to start?!? 

Oh!  I went back to my therapist for the first time since my surgery...  She was shocked to see me up and mobile...  Happy to hear that everything went so well, but amazed that I was already back to "normal"... I told her that I was doing great physically, but that I was having a rougher time, emotionally, than I would like...  I told her about the fact that none of my family came to visit me and how hurt I was that they didn't think it was important enough to make time to come and see me...  My therapist apologized that she didn't think to discuss my "post-op expectations" ahead of time, since she would have recommended that I tell my family, up front, about my desire for their presence...  Since she knew that I had "an amazing husband and a great support base of friends," she didn't even think twice about how I should deal with my family...  Oops!  She said that they might have thought less of my surgery because it was a "female problem," and many people make light of surgeries like that or just plain get weirded out by it and try to avoid the person on whom the surgery was conducted...  She said that it didn't excuse their behavior but that it could be one possible explanation for my dad avoiding me, at least...  Kinda makes sense, but it still sucks...  So, then, I told my therapist about the e-mail that I sent my dad and asked whether it was appropriate to ask him, flat out, whether he received the message or if my mom may have deleted it before he saw it...  She wanted to know how I knew that my mom read it, even, so I told her how my mom replied to me -- "Sorry I couldn't be there for you.  I love you, Mom"...  That was, literally, the entire response...  My therapist was all like, "So your mom gets this e-mail where you pour your heart out and say how hurt you were by their ambivilence after you had major surgery and she WRITES A FREAKIN' E-MAIL instead of picking up the phone, immediately, and calling to apologize?!?  That is just plain unacceptable!  It's crap!"  I asked, "So it doesn't mean that I am a self-centered brat because I was so upset about everything, including her minimal response?"  In her opinion, "Not at all."  I am so glad to hear it from a professional...  She thinks I need to re-evaluate my relationship with the members of my family... She said that I should re-adjust my expectations and re-think the ways that I will interact with/respond to them...  Basically, I should stop counting on them for anything at all, I should stop inviting them over if they never take me up on offers anyhow, and I should stop bending over backwards to help them [with computer problems, for example] or to come and visit them when they ask...  It seemed a little harsh at first, but it will certainly stop setting me up for disappointment all the time...  We shall see...

Easter got even more interesting, btw... Right after my therapist and I finished discussing my family dynamic, and how I should go about making it less distressing to me, I returned a "missed call" from my mother...  I don't remember if it was immediate or not (although I think it was), but my mom started in on asking why the Easter Bunny doesn't come to our house...  I tried explaining it as well as I could, but I am sure I sounded like an idiot because I was blind-sided with the question...  I got into the fact that we don't make a big deal out of Santa or the Easter Bunny partially because we would rather not focus on that aspect of either holiday...  I also explained that Christmas and Easter are religious holidays which are attached to a religion we no longer "practice" and that making a big deal out of a holiday for a religion we don't practice seems a bit hypocritical, even though the holidays have become largely secularized (is that a word?)...  I explained that Clark and I discussed holiday celebrations and traditions at length -- with each other and with friends who became parents around the same time -- and that we made a conscious decision to make the holidays more about family togetherness, goodwill, etc...  My mom's response?!?  ::choking back tears:: "Didn't you enjoy Christmas and Easter when you were a little girl?"  WTF, dude?  I wanted to scream into the phone, "THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!  NOT EVERYTHING IS ALL ABOUT YOU!"  Although, truth be told, there is that whole "you traumatized my sister and me" when we found out the truth about Santa, et al in 1987...  Yeah -- I guess it's a bad sign when you remember the year it went down...  But, still...  It is not so much about wanting things to be different from when we grew up...  It is more about doing things the way that we are most comfortable; the way that we feel right doing them...  I get that she may not understand it, but I am not sure she realizes that her opinions and methods need not apply...  I told Clark that it was oh so tempting to start rattling off a list of things I do differently, but I didn't want to be a vindictive bitch by spouting off the fact that -- in addition to changing the Christmas and Easter traditions of my childhood -- I have also "chosen not to (1) engage in corporal punishment, (2) contribute to my child's asthma by smoking [at all, let alone in the house and the car with my child present], (3) partake in illegal substances in front of my child, or, especially, (4) put expensive habits of smoking and substance abuse above the other financial obligations of my family so much so that my husband and child[ren] have to sacrifice both luxuries and necessities."  I'm just sayin!  I guess I am just a damn show-off with my whole not smoking and doing drugs thing...  Whatever...

Now, on to more fun/funny/happy stuff (before the depressing stuff makes me want to stab my own eyes out)...

The other night, at dinner, I was drinking grape juice...  Since Boogie hadn't had much milk that day, we tried to hide it from him by pouring my juice into a purple cup...  He instantly recognized it as juice and started asking if it was juice...  I didn't want to lie, but I also didn't want him to start asking for a sip, so I just said not to worry about what I was drinking and to drink his milk...  He then asked if that meant it was "actually soda"...  I repeated my earlier noncommittal reply...  When he asked, yet again, what was in my drink Clark replied, "It's mommy's drink.  You can't have any.  Please drink your own drink."  Boogie's eyes lit up with a gleam of recognition, and he asked, "Oh!  Is it a margarita?"  Umm...  Yeah...  That didn't make me sound like an alcoholic or anything!  Geesh...  After we stopped laughing so hard, we explained that it was NOT a margarita and that he was right when he had first guessed that it was juice...  We also reiterated the fact that we are the adults/parents and do not always owe him an explanation and reminded him to just drink the [damn] milk!  Teeheehee...

On Wednesday, Clark and I both had the day off...  I had already scheduled Boogie's 4-year-old birthday portraits for that morning, and we didn't have plans to go see a movie or anything, so we decided to keep Boogie out of school and have a "family fun day"...  We got his pictures taken, took him to get his traditional summer mohawk, brought him to the library so he could pick out his own stories, took him to lunch, brought him to a museum/planetarium, took him to a playground that was near that museum/planetarium, and then went out to dinner...  It was exhausting, but it was a really fun day...  For pictures of the 'hawk and the trip to the playground, go to http://www.flickr.com/photos/jewjewbee/sets/72157616837835541/...

Flower has started to tell people that she will be having a baby in December...  Eeeeeeeeee!!!  I am so super excited for her -- and happy to live vicariously through another pregnant friend as I hope and pray that I will be able to have another baby someday...  Since my "bad" (read: worse) ovary was removed, it may be less difficult to conceive another baby...  One can only hope!  In order to help Mother Nature, I have invited Murphy along...  Murphy who?!?  Murphy as in "Murphy's Law"...  As in, I gave all of my maternity clothes and baby furniture to Flower, so [of course] I should end up needing them before she would be done with them...  Teeheehee...  I would be more than happy to get new stuff if it meant having another baby, though...  We will see...  There's no guarantee either way, so I will just have to try to kepe myself from getting too optimistic or pessimistic...  Keeping an open mind -- and making an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist -- will have to do for now...

And, since this post is so long that my fingers are getting tired, I am thinking I should probably wrap things up and just write more another day...  Congrats if you made it all the way to the end of the post...  You definitely deserve a cookie or something...  Teeheehee...  Later days!

Had a nice day today, albeit a strange Easter -- considering that it was the first Easter I have experienced through my still-developing, non-religious lens...  Easter, like Christmas, has become largely secularized (is that a word?!?), so I didn't feel like a fraud when I set up an "Easter Egg Hunt" for my boys -- especially since they were actually Star Wars Bobble Heads rather than little plastic Easter eggs...  As far as the Easter basket thing is concerned, I think we did pretty well...  We have never done the big basket of candy thing for the boy...  It has always been a few little toys or books or something like that...  So, thie year, we just decided to remove the basket entirely and give him a couple of "spring" presents before heading off to our families' Easter celebrations...  Boogie was not at all traumatized and is just looking forward to using his new bubble blower and recycled paper maker (which he recently asked for as we shopped for Woogie's birthday gift)...  When my sister asked him if he got a lot of candy in a basket from the Easter Bunny, I jumped in with a quick and simple response to head off any debate...  I explained that the Easter Bunny doesn't come to our house since both of his memas make baskets for him, but that he did get a couple of "spring presents" from his Clark and me...  She looked at me like I was either weird, a jerk, or both, but I don't care...  I hate the lying aspect of Christmas and Easter, and we don't even actively practice the religion on which the holidays are [loosely] based, so I don't think we should bow to other people's ideals of the holiday...  But, yeah...  We enjoyed spending time with family, we look forward to eating the candy they have sent home with us, and we got plenty of cute pictures of Boogie in the suit he received for Christmas but hadn't worn until today...  Which reminds me...  I need to remember to upload those pictures sooner rather than later...  Guess I better add it to my Google task list!  Later days...

i hit rock bottom, emotionally, today...  so, i decided to send out an e-mail to my father...  of all people, i thought i could have counted on him to come by and visit me at least once since my surgery...  i guess i was wrong...

so, i know it's never a good idea to make any sort of judgments when you don't know the entire story...  and i am sure that things have been as busy as ever for everyone...  but i have been having a very hard time dealing with the fact that not a single member of my family has made it out to visit me -- either in the hospital or at home...  i know that mom has been to oncall for her cyst, and that [my sister] has spent time bringing her... i know that you often work more hours per day than should be humanly possible...  but, for some reason, i just kinda expected that this surgery would be enough to shake up our family's normal habit of never making time for each other...  i understand that people cannot simply increase the number of hours in the day or skip out on work to make time for me...  nor am i selfish enough to expect that they spend every moment of free time calling or stopping by to dote on me...  but, it gets really hard to try and explain it away to all of my friends who have called and stopped by when they ask if i have had enough time to rest between all of my family and friends visiting...  part of me wants to simply answer, "yeah, i'm getting enough rest"...  but part of me wants to curl up and cry...  especially when i keep trying to invite you and mom over for dinner and she keeps telling me that there are always some sort of other plans in the way...  i'm not even sure you know/knew about the invitations, but there have been a couple in the last week alone...  it really hit home today when a friend asked if my mom had practically "moved in" like his would be likely to do, and i realized that this was day # 7 without a family visitor...  i always thought that moving "back home" was like an insurance plan of never having to be alone in really tough times, but living 20 minutes away sometimes feels more like living on a different continent...  i am not trying to make anyone feel guilty or anything, but i knew that i had to open up and tell you how i felt before it ate me up inside...  i love you all, and i hope to see you soon

later days...

Not because I don't have anyone home with me...  Not because I haven't had any visitors...  But because I still have not seen a single member of my family...  It was easy to excuse the fact that they could not make it to the hospital because my stay was so short, but this is bordering on ridiculous...  My dad was calling every day, at least, to check in on how I was doing...  He hasn't called at all today...  I have spoken with my mom a couple of times, but she turned it around into a conversation about herself and how she was doing -- since she ended up at OnCall the day of my surgery...  My sister called once, and we spoke for a couple of minutes, but she was at work and had to get off the phone almost as soon as she got on...  I have not talked to my niece at all...  I thought that maybe I would just call my parents' house and invite them over for dinner tomorrow, but I got their answering machine...  WTF?!?  I hope it's something damn important if they can make it out and still don't bother to come and visit their freakin' daughter who has just had major surgery...  I have an amazing husband and a wonderful little boy who have been doing a great job taking care of me...  I have friends and co-workers who have come over already or who plan on coming over tomorrow...  And all kinds of long-distance peeps (as well as the library teens who don't/can't know where I live) have been reaching out to me via the interwebs...  So, why do I have to focus on the people whose lack-of-contact make me so sad?  Almost time for dinner...  Better get going...  Later days...

I definitely believe that spending time with family is the most important part of any holiday (no matter how dysfunctional mine may be)...  Today, Boogie and I went to my mom's house and picked up Princess so she and Boogie could spend the day together playing and such instead of only seeing each other for dinner and presents tonight...  When I cleared the driveway and the walks, the two of them were wicked cute and played in the snow together...  We even built a non-gender-specific "snowperson" together when I was done...  Apparently, the hot cocoa did not meet their satisfaction, but at least the hot dogs and mac 'n' cheese were a big hit...  Right now, I am catching up on my internetting while we all watch Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas...  Man, have I watched this movie too many times!  Not that it is necessarily a bad thing, since I still love to watch it, but it's a good thing Clark isn't here...  I keep finding myself not only singing along but also speaking right along with all of the characters!  Teeheehee...  The movie is almost over, so I better get going...  I need to dry my hair before the kids and I get started on making the brownies we'll all be having for dessert tonight!  Merry Christmas everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!! Later days...

Did it make your hearts grow fonder?  Teeheehee...  I've been away for quite a while -- not for lack of topics, but rather because too much was going on in my life...  I felt as if sitting down to do a quick post would lead to a three-day-long posting binge during which I would have to forgo bathing and call in sick to work...  I have been feeling really stressed out about a lot of things lately, to say the very least...  Work has been one headache after another...  Boogie has been trying his best to test my love and patience...  My grandparents are in from out of town, so we have to try and find a way to clear out our schedules to get in as much quality time as possible...  Since my mom and sister don't have "grandparents friendly" houses, I offered to host a family dinner and chill session on Saturday...  This means, of course, that I started stressing about cleaning up the house and such...  Luckily, my OCD means that I am somewhat on top of things all the time...  I, at the very least, know what still has to be done, and there is a "place for everything," even if everything is not always in its place...  We woke up late two mornings this week, and that definitely contributed to my hectic/rushed/manic energy...  We were out until 11pm with my grandparents last night, so I am also a bit more tired today than I would like...  Let alone the fact that I missed the new episode of ER last night...  Guess I know what I'm watching on the office computer during my lunch break, huh?!?  I don't know...  I know that a lot of the stuff I stress about is brought on by myself...  But a lot of things are also out of my control...  And the combination feels like it's bound to give me an ulcer soon...  I keep reminding myself to take deep breaths, and that does help some of the time...  For some of this stuff, though, I am thinking I will just have to let the time pass and I will eventually end up feeling better, right?!?!?!?  Well, there is someone else to watch the desk now, so I guess I am gonna go and take my break and try to force myself to relax a little bit...  Later days...

Man, it's been nice here...  I even went swimming yesterday!  (Although some of my family here thought it was cold enough to warrant jeans and even long sleeves)...  Boogie has been relatiely well behaved, and I have tons of pictures already -- http://www.flickr.com/photos/jewjewbee/sets -- of all the fun we've been having... No guarantee that I will be back online before we get home, though...  We have a whole lot more fun (Grand Canyon, sliding rock, Hoover Dam, old western town, general Vegas attractions, etc.) planned for the days ahead!!!  Later days...

It's hard to put a price on happiness, but I know this money is well spent -- as it will make many people very happy...  That is how much I just put on my credit card so that Clark, Boogie, and I can fly out to to visit my uncle...  We will be flying into Arizona so I can meet the cousins I have never met (and their kids!), and then Clark and I will be renting a car to make a side-trip to the Grand Canyon (with Boogie, of course)...  After that, we will meet up with my uncle in Vegas!!!  (He works there, so he has a condo where we will be staying)...  OMG!  I am soooo freakin' excited!!!!!!!  Later days...

I cannot believe how many pictures I have taken in the last week...  There are tons of new pictures on my Flickr if you want to see what we did for Christmas and Christmas Eve, how Boogie was in the church nativity pageant on Sunday, or what we did at my SIL's birthday party/our Christmas with Papa...  Later days...

I didn't really know it was possible for things to get worse in the situation with my mom, but I think that happened last night...  I came home to a message on the answering machine about how she never knows my schedule and wants to talk...  She sounded upset, so I figured it was about the e-mail...  Wrong!  She never got the e-mail...  Sure, my dad saw it -- and even told my sister about it -- but, he never told my mom...  What caused her to call, then?  Well...  Since my sister knew my feelings, she took a trip over to my mom's house to talk to her about Christmas and how she wanted her whole family together for Christmas this year...  She suggested that Christmas Eve be at my house, and my mom actually wanted to work that out...  I was all confused and asked if she had gotten the e-mail...  She said no, so I explained a little bit about what it said...  Everything in that letter was the truth, but I was definitely pretty mean in the way I worded some things...  So, now she knows about the e-mail and will probably want to see it...  Does that mean that our progress will now be negated?  Or will she just see how hurt I am and want to make things right?!?  I don't know...  All I know is that I am at work and cannot really call her to see what's up -- because I am the only one in the Children's Room right now...  Maybe I will call during my lunch break...  Bah...  Later days...