16 posts tagged “frustrated”

Are a wonderful thing when they keep wanted people in and unwanted people out...  They aren't so much fun, though, when a 3-year-old decides to play with them on the way out the door to find the sunglasses he left in the driveway -- when his mom just put her purse, keys, etc. on the kitchen counter...  Yup...  Had to bring Boogie next door so the neighbors could watch him while I got out a ladder, tore open the screen to the living room window, and climbed into my house...  Now, I have a sore thumb (the screen bit me), one less screen (until the windows get replaced in a couple of weeks), and absolutely no desire to cook dinner...  Bah...  I would just order a pizza, but it's already almost 7pm...  Maybe the boy will settle for a PBJ?!?  Later days...

That would be the sound of me dropping the ball...  Yup...  It was a real good one this morning...  I made sure to grab Boogie's sleeve of pull-ups for school...  I wrote his name on them, and even added the date so I would not wonder when I had last brought them when they ran out...  I put them in a bag with the rest of my stuff to take with me this morning...  I put them next to the diaper bag on the front seat...........  And then I forgot them when I took him in to school...  Dammit!  I called his school to see if he had enough to get him through the day when I got to work and noticed the extra bag in the car...  They said yes, but I am still feeling pretty stupid right now...  Grrrr!  This is what I get for feeling confident that I can make up a few extra minutes by coming in early this morning...  Later days...

As much as Prozac is helping me right now, I had a really stressful day today...  Running late = no good breakfast (a banana on the run)...  Bad drop-off at daycare = almost late to work...  Morning off the desk was spent cleaning out books in the storage closet and in a meeting about the website...  Then, I had random shifting stuff to do in my teen area (which was great after it was done, but a major pain in the ass)...  After lunch, I got stuck watching the adult reference desk, so I felt like a huge moron...  I had no idea what one of the databases was (or how to sign the patron in to it), where to find a specific reference material for someone else (the patron had to tell me where to look!), who certain (well-known) authors (in the adult lit world) were...  Gah!  I had tons of questions and only felt confident in my ability to answer roughly half of them...  I am so glad that the children's room and the teen area no longer feel foreign or threatening to me!  (I have an intern right now, and she seems pretty scared about answering any reference questions on her own, so I can definitely relate a little better after today)...  Once work was over, the day just got worse...  Boogie had an accident during nap, so I had to bring home all of his nap time bedding...  I decided to go through all of his stuff to see what he would need me to bring in tomorrow, and I found that he needed quite a few things -- even though his daily progress report didn't say anything about needing another change of clothes or pull-ups (of which he had one left)...  Grrrr, people!  So, after fighting Boogie to get him into the car, I got stuck in major traffic while he screamed and cried about one thing after another...  I seriously thought I was gonna lose it!  Luckily, Clark is amazing and had dinner almost finished by the time we got back -- and he even came out to the garage to help me "pack mule" all of Boogie's and my crap inside...  He graciously accepted the challenge of bath time and let me clear up after dinner instead...  It may have been a messy job, but it was sure worth the toddler-free time it afforded me...  Tonight, after bedtime, I think I am just gonna "veg" and watch the auditions for American Idol...  I don't watch the actual competition anymore, but the try-outs are akin to a very entertaining train wreck...  I can't seem to look away, no matter how horrible it gets...  Yeah...  I'm bad, but what do you expect?!?  Later days...

On my pillow...  I guess my baby kitty doesn't want me to try and convince Clark to keep her...  I really didn't want to do anything before Christmas, but I almost put my head in cat shit when I went to read a book during Boogie's nap today...  No effing way am I putting up with this any longer...  I was stupid for even thinking she would change...  Story of my life, I guess...  (You know, what with my mom and all)...  Bah...  Later days...

I have the day off on Friday of this week and Monday of next week, and I don't have anything to do or anyone to hang out with...  I feel kind of pathetic, actually, since Clark took today off to hang out and game with some of his D&D buddies...  His day = hanging out all day, meeting me and the boy at the library, taking the boy home, putting him to bed, and then watching TV...  My day = bringing boy to daycare, going to conference, picking up boy, getting fast food dinner, eating fast/getting boy set up to eat, setting up library program while keeping an eye on the eating boy, meeting Clark and "passing the torch" (although Boogie kept proclaiming that he wanted Mama instead of Daddy), running said library program, coming home, and now blogging...  I feel like part of my "despair" over my non-life probably just stems from my day today vs. Clark's, but I know that I often feel like I have a lot less fun (sans children) than Clark...  I love my mommy friends and all, but sometimes I wish I had a ton of footloose and fancy free friends who could just drop everything and chill with me (like Clark has) instead of everything being so complicated (and nearly impossible) when we want to hang out...  Bah...  I know...  Stop whining already, Bee...  I'm done...  Later days...

Why is it so hard for some people to consider how their actions might effect someone else?!?  Take our work situation right now...  We are understaffed this summer, and yet we are still managing to get by fairly well...  Then, this morning I notice that there will not be desk coverage when Nice and I are doing our afternoon program...  WTF?!?  Maybe it was not as convenient for Bossman to take off Monday instead of Tuesday, but that would not have been nearly as bad for the schedule...  There weren't any programs during the day yesterday, but we have orientation for town camp counselors AND a Tween program today...  Bah...  Maybe I am getting overly aggravated because I am juggling so many things right now, but I just feel like Bossman has "left the building" despite the fact that he isn't even gone yet...  I really hope that Nice or I will get the head of the department position once he is gone, but we are both pretty nervous that someone else (from outside our library) will get the job and make things more difficult for everyone...  Right now, we have a pretty good thing going...  If there is a childcare emergency, we up and leave...  If we forgot we needed a day off, accomodations are attempted...  If we want to try a new type of program, that's great...  If some or all of that were to change, I don't know if I would still love my job as much as I do...  I am trying to think positive, but I also need to be realistic...  Bah...  Ok...  My 10 minute break is over, so I better stop my bitching and get back to work...  Later days...

Part of me is thinking I need a little patience...  Part of me is thinking my toddler needs a little self-control...  We will probably meet somewhere in the middle, eventually...  I hope we at least break a little ground today...  He has been whining about one thing after another, today...  It started when I didn't make breakfast fast enough...  Then, he didn't want to get dressed or get out of his wet diaper...  Then, he pooped and refused to get changed again...  I thought watching Sesame Street would help, but he refused to keep his socks on -- so I refused to let him stay in the basement...  I had to carry him up the stairs, football style...  He most recently threw a fit because he needed carrots for a snack...  I was ok with the snack, but I didn't want him rummaging through the fridge on his own...  I got him some carrots, sat him at the table, and then Clark called...  He spoke to Boogie and asked him to be a good boy, to which Boogie agreed to try...  Not 1 minute later, though, he said, "Uh-oh!  Carrots!" and proceeded to open his mouth so he could drop all of the chewed carrot bits on the table, chair, and floor...  Ugh...  I brought out the mini dustpan and broom set and made him clean it up, and then he freaked out about needing his carrots again...  After one carrot, though, he was done and climbing down...  Whatever!  I decided it was time for some Internetting, so that I could try to calm down and get back to being reasonable...  Fingers crossed -- it's time to head back out there, though, because he just started whining and saying, "Nap."  Bah...  Later days...

Who is this guy, Murphy, whose "law" keeps screwing up my life?!?  This morning, I ended up having to take extra time to get ready (putting on makeup) because the circles under my eyes made me look like a battered woman -- definitely didn't sleep more than 4 hours, again, last night...  Then, I noticed that the slush on the back porch was too bad to just walk over, so I took a few minutes to actually shovel the porch and the walk, even though I was already supposed to be leaving...  Then, I brought our stuff out to the car because it would be safer to have both hands to help Boogie down the slippery stairs (it was still sleeting)...  I decided to get the car in the driveway and let it warm up while I got Boogie ready to leave...  The problem with that plan, though, is that the car wouldn't start...  I did that stupid thing where I let go of the key right as it was getting ready to "catch," so I had to turn the key again...  Only, it wouldn't come close to starting...  I got out, tried to calm down while I gave the car a second to get over itself...  Still, it wouldn't start...  I had to call Daycare Lady to tell her I would be late...  Then, I called AAA and asked them to send someone out to jump-start my car...  The problem with that is that my "dictator" toddler kept shouting orders at me and causing me to not hear the questions the AAA person was asking me...  At one point, the guy was like, "Hello?  Are you still there?" in a really snarky voice...  While I was silently wishing I could reach through the phone and punch him in the throat, I decided it would be better to just apologize for the fact that my toddlers loud rant caused me to miss the question...  Boogie was probably louder to this person than I was, for goodness' sake!  I just don't get it...  I mean...  Did that idiot not hear me dealing with the kid in the background or did he just not care that I was having car troubles and dealing with a crazy toddler?!?  I would assume that customer service people at AAA would be trained to be polite to customers, but training doesn't necessarily mean people care/pay attention...  I called Clark to let him know what happened, in case the jump didn't work and he would have to come home (since I have a program to do today)...  He was, luckily, very understanding and willing to come home as soon as I would need, if it was necessary...  Luckily, the car started (eventually) for the guy who came out...  Needless to say, I dropped Boogie at the door while the car was still running so I would not have to chance another problem at the Daycare Lady's house...  Imagine that?!?  (No-thank-you-very-much!)...  Now, I am just praying that I don't need another jump start on the way home or on my way to get the car tuned up tomorrow morning...  Bah...  Later days...

There are many feelings that I experience when I think about my infertility...  Today, anger is winning...  Why is it that 500mg Metformin and 100mg Clomid only raised my progesterone from 0.6 to 0.7?  Why is it that Doc Nice's office didn't bother to return my call until after I called a second time?  (I got frustrated at 1:30pm because my original call was at 9am and I still hadn't heard back from them)...  Why did the nurse act like I was a jerk because I wanted to know if repeating the blood work was actually necessary (since Doc Nice said "the blood work could be repeated) or if it was likely a waste of time?  I am sure she didn't want to have to ask more questions and then call me back again, but too freakin' bad...  I am in charge of my body, and I need to know all the facts before I blindly accept anything from a doctor or nurse...  She could have just asked the doctor to call me back himself, if she was so put out, so I don't feel bad for her...  When she talked to Doc Nice again, he said that I was right (shocking!) and that the co-pay and pain weren't worth it, since my levels would surely not be much better (if at all)...  Doc Nice also said that it was not worth it to keep taking the Metformin...  Duh!  Anyway...  I am moving on to bigger and better (???) doses...  That's right folks...  I am jumping up to 150mg of Clomid already...  It took 4 months to get that far last time, so Clark is nervous about the lack of an "on ramp" to the Crazy Highway...  I am trying to think positive...  Less time on the drugs (because it will surely work next time, right?!?) means that I have more incentive out there to help me stay sane...  I will just keep reminding myself that it is almost over and keep holding back the Killer Bee who tries to break out...  If I try hard enough, and push the anger down far enough, I can keep from killing my husband or my toddler -- I just know it!  Later days...

I am a huge worrier...  Always have been; probably always will be...  When I spoke to Clark at about 2:30, I said something along the lines of, "I better let you go so you can leave work on time."  He said nothing to the contrary...  So, when 4:30 rolled around, and then 4:45, and he was still not home...  Well, I began to get concerned...  Finally, at almost 5pm, I decided to call him -- but he beat me to the punch and called me when I was, quite literally, walking toward the charging cell phone...  He apologized and said he was on his way home now...  As in, not even left the office yet...  "You've GOT to be kidding me!," I thought...  Apparently, he was "trapped" at work with a software consultant, and yet he didn't once think, "I bet Bee will be worried if I don't call her.  I better do that before I forget."  Nope...  Bah...  I just started the water boiling and the oven heating up so dinner won't be too late...  I was gonna wait for him to get home before I started cooking, so Boogie could keep riding his bike without worry of him falling into the oven door or something else bad (since he would have Clark to keep an eye on him, not because Clark exudes a force-field of anti-hurt or any such thing)...  So yeah...  I guess I will have to become Boogie's enemy and take his "precious" away...  I am frustrated, but at least I am no longer worried...  That's good enough, I suppose...  Later days...