29 posts tagged “pregnancy”
I think I honestly spent about 2 hours this morning/afternoon just filling out medical release and patient information forms... Even though I have been saying I would do it for a couple of years now, I have just finally gotten around to switching our general practitioner to a well-recommended doctor in the town where we now live... As much as I liked the former doctor on a personal level, I am so happy to be done with her snotty/stupid staff, the 25 minute drive to get to her office, and the unreasonably-long wait times (even when I arrive 15 minutes early for an appointment, it's not uncommon to be in the waiting room for at least an hour and then to wait another 15-20 minutes in the room before being seen)... This doctor's office has a great reputation -- according to some neighbors and our former physician's assistant -- and is only a 1-2 minute drive from our house... I suppose we could walk if we really wanted/needed to, but we'd have to go down a busy main road on a winding hill... Boogie and I have our first appointment there in the morning, and I can't wait to meet the new doctors... I also filled out paperwork so that I could switch over to the home-birth midwife! Clark told me, Friday morning, that he was ok with the switch, so we are going to start meeting with the new midwife and planning for a home-birth... Yay! I felt kinda bad switching from the midwives at the OB/GYN office I have been going to for almost 6 years, since they are still awesome... But, I am much happier with my choice for this baby's birth... I will just go back to that office next fall when I need my "well care" visit... So, yeah... After filling out forms, I called to schedule and cancel necessary prenatal appointments and then ran around delivering the paperwork to all of the offices that needed them... I could have waited until tomorrow's appointments to drop off forms with the new doctor, but they were super happy to see that they could get our charts ready ahead of time, and I was happy to make a nice first impression! And since the old doctor's office has such incompetent staff, I figured I would hand-deliver the release forms and give them no excuse but to get started... Let's hope they don't eff it up... Later days...
Some people -- my husband included -- do not understand why I am ok with the idea of having this baby at home... And I can't necessarily explain it well enough for anyone to understand if they don't already "get" it... But, the idea of a home-birth first entered my consciousness quite a while ago... It was when I saw a movie called The Business of being Born... Since I had already given birth with the assistance of a midwife, I understood how wonderful it is to work with a midwife who fully supports my educated decisions instead of a doctor who thinks I couldn't possibly know enough to make choices for myself... After all, I had already put up with quite a prick of an OB/GYN in order to get the necessary fertility treatments in order to become pregnant in the first place... There was NO FREAKIN' WAY I wanted that man anywhere near me when it came time to deliver the baby [Boogie], so I was thrilled to have access to a wonderful staff of midwives in that same practice... I was even more happy when my labor and delivery were able to progress without medical intervention, which is near impossible if you're dealing with an OB/GYN... I am technically still with the same practice [midwives] right now, but I am seriously contemplating moving to a private midwifery practice which supports home-birthing... To be completely honest, I did not start off with a desire to do things so completely differently than the first time around... I fully intended to give birth to Gummy Bear at the same childbirth center and with the assistance of the same midwives... "Status quo" was fine by me... But, then came the swine flu... Now, I get so depressed every time I think about the fact that a hospital would not give Boogie the chance to be there when his baby brother or sister is born... Because of some stupid virus -- and the resulting hospital protocols -- my child could be robbed of this miracle which he still believes he will be witnessing?!? We have been planning on him being there from the moment we first discussed this baby with him... It was just a given that he would be there, and now there is next to no chance of that happening if we stick with the childbirth center at the hospital... I don't have the heart to tell him that he can't be there unless I am absolutely positive there is no way it can happen... I just can't... And to think that he would not even be allowed to come and visit me or the baby, either, just breaks my heart... When I spoke with one of the midwives at my appointment yesterday, she said that she fully supports home-birthing and that I am a perfect candidate, but that they do not attend home-births in that practice... I asked if she had any recommendations, and was nervous that she would not want to help me find her "replacement"... On the contrary! She was happy to help me, even if it meant that I would have to jump ship for a while... She recommended a specific local midwife, and it just so happened to be a midwife I already know -- since she used to be work for the practice to which I belong! I called that midwife and everything sounded perfect... She even remembered me, for goodness sake! Well, she said my "formal" name didn't sound too familiar but that she recalled someone with a nickname variant... When I explained that that was my nickname, she said, "Oh! It is you!" Man, that felt awesome... So, yeah... Now I have a reasonable plan that supports my birthing ideals/goals, a midwife who is willing and able to work with me to that end, and the knowledge that my insurance company already has an established relationship with her practice... All I NEED is to get my husband on board so that I don't have to sacrifice my ideal birth or my marriage in the coming months... ::sigh:: Later days...
I'm thankful that the hospitals are trying to work in the best interests of all the newborn babies out there, but I pray that they lift these crazy limitations before I go into labor or I may just have to "accidentally" give birth at home so Boogie can see his baby brother or sister come into the world... http://www.setonhealth.org/news_events/news_detail.cfm?ID=14 ... At the very least, I'm glad Flower told me about this so it would not be a surprise when I got close to delivering... Ugh... Later days...
We were unable to determine the baby's sex at the ultrasound... Neither Clark and I are exactly thrilled with the prospect of having to wait so long to find out if this is a boy or a girl kickin' around in there... But neither one of us knows whether we care enough to go for it and pay for one of those 4D ultrasound "photo sessions"... They are available in our area... And we can afford it with minimal penny pinching... But, I keep wondering "what if" the baby doesn't cooperate there either? Am I willing to spend a lot of money to get my hopes up again? But, then I start thinking of the fact that I am only about 1/2 way through this pregnancy... (I was exactly 1/2 way through at this point for Boogie, and just didn't know it yet) ... People have a lot of theories about why this MUST be a girl, but I am doing my best not to assume anything so that I won't end up feeling disappointed that I was wrong for X number of weeks and have to turn my brain inside-out again... I will be perfectly happy with a boy or a girl... But I just wish I knew which one it was, you know? For Boogie, I just had that feeling that he was a boy... I was certain of it... And I was right! But, for this kid... I got nuthin'... Bah... Later days...
They're always freakin crazy with me... This morning, I woke up and recalled one particularly crazy dream where I went for an ultrasound (without Clark and Boogie as is the plan), and that the technician ended up being the phlebotomist I had in the hospital after my surgery and at the blood lab before I started these fertility treatments... She's awesome and everything, but why she switched to an ultrasound technician in my dream is unclear... Anyway... In this dream, she insisted that I was having twins when I first walked in, and it took me a while to convince her that I already knew I was not... Then, when she did use the machine, she barely used it... She didn't really look at the baby too well, but she still insisted that I was having a boy even though she would not/could not "show" me any proof... What she insisted on showing me, though, was a video about circumcision... The methods in the video were not even real methods... It was just trying to scare people away from choosing to do it by saying that most methods will damage the penis to the extent that it will not grow as long... WTF?!? When I explained that I had researched it before, knew that the methods in the video were bogus, and had chosen to have my first son circumcised, she got really sheepish... She apologized, and the dream was over... Weird, right?!? Later days...
Just felt Gummy Bear move [for sure] for the first time... That means that both of my babies gave me a birthday present before they were even born... With Boogie, I had a positive pee test the day before my birthday... With Gummy Bear, it was feeling movement 4 days before my birthday... Awesome! Later days...
16 weeks and growing well...
Later days...
I wonder if I really am a good enough mother... Some days, I question whether having another child will make my "bad days" more frequent; if another child will only shorten the half-life of my good days... I am sure that being nauseated all day for nearly all of the past 9 weeks [yeah, it started at about week 6 this time] has done quite a number on my patience... I am also sure that ending my work day by puking in the staff bathroom was not the best way to prepare for a long car ride with a tired pre-schooler... I would like to think that my logic would help me to recognize when my nausea is compounding something that is not really a big deal, but logic seems to be on maternity leave already... I can only pray that never getting pregnant again will help me to be a better mother when I have both children to deal with in future years... I feel like I have been nothing but a moping, whining bitch for probably the last 3 or 4 weeks, but I just feel so damn terrible that I can't psyche myself out of it for more than a couple hours at a time... Clark has been really understanding... Too understanding, probably... But I still wonder if he is being nicer on the surface than he really feels... When we got home today, after Boogie had whined for the entire 40 minute drive, Clark and I both kind of met the end of our patience... Boogie would not take the cheap [most likely lead-laden] dinosaur figurine out of his mouth, so I took it out of his mouth for him and brought it into the kitchen with me... Boogie, then, proceeded to throw himself on the floor and scream/cry while simultaneously refusing to move out of the doorway so I could keep the cat from getting out onto the porch... I moved on to filling up water bottles and adding water to the vase on the counter, in an attempt to remove myself from the frustration of the moment, but I managed to knock down an open bottle of water... As I reacted with a clenched-teeth grunt of frustration, Clark was coming through the front door and told Boogie and I that we both needed to go up to our rooms to chill out... That's where I keep my phenergan, anyhow, so I decided to follow through with the "suggestion" and hope that I would feel better by the time Clark finished cooking dinner... So, now, I am just sitting on my bed, crying, and trying to "blog it out of my system" while trying to ignore Boogie's procession of Star Wars bobble heads that I already told him I didn't want to see right now... I know, deep down, that he just likes Star Wars so much that he is hoping it will cheer me up, but it really isn't helping... And, now, Boogie has just broken my heart by asking me, "Mama, why do you have tears?" I answered that "I am having a hard time dealing with feeling like I am going to throw up all the time," and he replied, "Yeah. It's hard work making a baby." after which he took down the bobble heads and went to his room to entertain himself... Nausea + frustration + guilt = one hell of a night for Bee... Later days...
Facebook... Vox... All sites I have been wanting to update but not really getting to lately... In "real life," I am getting caught up on laundry and dishes and finding time to just plop on the couch when I am feeling crappy, and I find that those things are a bit more important than having all of my internet ducks in a row... I just don't seem to have much energy for anything above and beyond subsistance living lately... A lot of well-meaning people at work keep saying that I will probably feel better soon, but I know I probably won't... I try to tell them that, while attempting not to sound whiny, bitchy, or overly negative, but there are only so many times that you can remind people that you required "anti-puking" meds for your entire pregnancy last time and are trying not to foolishly expect a better outcome this time around... Sure, I can be hopeful... But I don't want to be unrealistic either... It's tough, though, since I am sure they don't really know what else to say... It's tempting to just pretend everything is peachy keen, but it's a little obvious that you're lying if you say, "Things are great!" as you walk in all pale and chalky grey first thing in the morning... You know?!? I won't have Princess at the library today, so that should make things a little easier... I can't handle her being up my ass all day, and she is so painfully shy that I just want to shake her sometimes... But, I can understand how being holed up with your family all the time instead of ever getting out would do that to a kid... Man, I hope bringing Boogie all over with us will pay off in that respect... We try, you know?!? Sigh... Better get going now if I want to try and get a new pair of black shoes (the old ones are ripping apart) before work today... Later days...
I can't believe how pregnancy can seem to fly by at some moments and drag on at others... It's kind of like other monumental times in life, but it seems to be much more exaggerated than most... Today, I got to see one of the midwives in my regular OB/GYN practice, and I was all like, "Wow! I can't believe I have already been released from the fertility specialists!" Sometimes it feels like I just found out I was pregnant last week... Other times, like as I sit here feeling completely and utterly nauseated (and praying that the phenergan I just took will kick in soon), I wonder how I am only at 11 weeks... If you would like to join me on a little photographic journey of exactly how much time has passed in this pregnancy, you can head on over to my "Pregnancy -- Gummy Bear" set on Flickr... Clark and I will be taking pictures every Monday (as I begin the next week of my pregnancy), and I will try to remember to upload them in a timely fashion... If I don't... Well, sue me! Later days...
